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Grief In Isolation

If you have lost someone, you are feeling grief more deeply and painfully by not having the community support one normally experiences when a loved one dies. Supporting someone who is grieving is always hard because you don’t always know or have the ability to help in one way or another.  Now you are feeling even more at a loss as to how to support them when there are so many restrictions in place that prevent us from being present at the time of loss, and or with our restricted physical proximity to them after the loss. 

The norms for rituals and traditions usually associated with grief following a loss, have been yanked out from under us like the proverbial rug and our norm has disappeared.  I never thought of myself as a  “ritual and tradition” person,  but I am feeling deeply the secondary loss of not having those things accessible to me to help process a loss.  I am also feeling less capable of helping others grieve when travel restrictions remain in place making it impossible for me to be present with them, even as I am restricted from being with my own family members and friends to process the grief over the loss of my Daddy.

In the early days following the loss of my Daddy, it was rare to have people say things that actually helped me in any way to ease the pain.  I appreciate that they tried, but it was like skipping rocks on the surface of a still pond, their words just bounced off the surface and faded away. There were a handful of special friends who cried with me, and that comforted me more deeply and effectively.  Having someone silently present is often more of a comfort then just the words. Months later, having someone understand the gravity of the loss has been incredibly comforting, and even if they didn’t know Daddy, they cried tears with me, and those tears were healing.  Immediately following the loss and the memorial service the following month,  both times I had to jump on a plane and come right back to “normal life”, only to have a Pandemic shut the world down a few months later. All I wanted was normal, something that I could dig into so the grief wasn’t overwhelming every day.  

When you can’t be with an ill or dying loved one, or you can’t be together for a memorial, what do you do for a friend who just had a loved one die? How do you support someone grieving when you can’t be with them?

Here are some ideas, not by any means an exhaustive or perfect “do this kind of list and it will make things better”, but just a few ideas to help you, and hopefully help them.  

Offer your condolences; you might think that this is a pretty obvious thing to say but many times people just don’t know what to say,  and so people remain silent thinking that it is better. Silence is even more painful than the awkwardness of saying the wrong thing. 

Mail a card, postcard, or even a short note that expresses your sadness over the loss. Not only does it show you care, but in later days, the grieving person can re-read the note. The note may not even be remembered in the early days. Forget-fullness, what I call “Grief Amnesia” is so hard to navigate and just making a grocery list is a challenge in the early days following a loss. To be honest, even months later, my brain just doesn’t seem to function normally. 

If you don’t have a sympathy card at home it’s okay, any notecard will do, even if it’s on the loose leaf paper you have laying around. If you are struggling for words then go online and google “how do I comfort someone who has lost a loved one” and I promise you there will be endless suggestions on what you can write. 

In these moments of isolation and social distancing, travel restrictions have prevented us from being with our loved ones, and so cards can mean more than ever.  I know that some people are fearful of the virus living on packages and mail, but as long as you are mindful of the many hands that may have handled your letter and take the proper precautions at the receiving end there is no reason to prevent you from sending a card or a note. 

Yes, there are always digital cards etc, but I am not a fan of those. My grandma is 100 years old and she still writes me letters, and I am blessed to be able to send her real mail in return. Can you tell I am a snail mail fan?

There is so much value to expressing your sympathy and reaching out to someone, and the act of sharing a personal note, or something special about the person who is gone, is of inestimable value.  

Take your lead from the grieving person, and choose the method of communication you know they would prefer the most. Social media on a good day is exhausting so if you do go electronic, I would suggest an email verses a post on their Facebook wall. 

After the “immediately following the loss condolence time frame” is over, make sure you check-in and please remember to let them know you are available to help and or just come over for a visit. That whole thing of  “letting them have their space” is never helpful if you have never sought to find out if they really want space. 

Everyone is different and though grief has similar characteristics, every person’s grief is unique.  Have you ever been ghosted? It is when people just disappear, like a relationship that ends for no apparent reason. In some cases you never hear from them again. You are left grieving another loss and wondering why you also lost a friendship. 

Although the friends may see it differently, when you just stop hearing from people, it’s ghosting, call it a secondary loss compounding the initial loss. Keep the lines of communication open. If the grieving person was always the one to reach out to others, but now has stopped, the subsequent failure of others to not reach out is an additional layer of pain that can irreparably damage the friendship/relationship beyond the immediate grief/grieving time.

People who have lost a loved one don’t always know what they want or need, or even when for that matter. The grieving person might even tell you, “ I will let you know if I need anything” but they almost never will. This leaves them feeling unable to ask for help, for the fear of burdening friends or family with things that would normally have been handled by the one who died. If you say you are going to check in with someone, check in with them! Empty promises leave you feeling, empty.  

If you decide to send a sympathy gift, then take your cues from the person grieving. If they love flowers than send them a plant or flower for their garden. Sending them a gift of some pampering self-care items might be appropriate also, so that when they do come up for air, they might just enjoy the luxury of a scented bubble bath, or facial mask to relax with, if even it offers an escape for just a few moments. 

If you have a picture with you with the loved one who has died, consider sending it to the grieving person with a short note as to why it was a special moment to you. Pictures can be painful but knowing that you share sweet memories and miss them too, helps them feel less alone. After my daddy died, when we were able to have the memorial, one of his best friends told me how daddy talked about me all the time, and how proud he was of me. I cried when I heard that and I have cherished those words  long after the memorial was over. When Daddy was near death, he talked a lot about all of the adventures and golf vacations with he had with his friends. He had planned to give them pictures so they could remember the good times, and know that those good times were a part of his happiest memories.

I took photos of photos with my cell phone so I could have my own electronic photo album of dad through the years. We are never usually separated or far from our cell phones, and so it is comforting to have this photo album with me always so that I can wander down memory lane when I want or need to. Some pics bring tears and sadness while others bring smiles and happy memories.

You may or may not want to find a grief counsellor or support group depending on your comfort level. It doesn’t have to happen immediately but eventually be open to looking into it. It allows you a safe space where you can talk about your loved without the guilt of worrying that you are being a “Debbie Downer” to your family and friends. Yes, that thought does cross my mind, as I am keenly aware that my grief at the loss of my Daddy isn’t as painful for them as it is for me. Life has gone back to normal for most of them, but I’m still at the not normal stages in life after loss. 

Tentatively suggest some plans for the future. I might be a short weekend visit or even a tourist around town kind of afternoon. With social distancing restrictions in place presently I know that it isn’t always easy or possible, but talking about the plan, anticipating the opportunity to be together is helpful in reminding them that you want to be with them. It also serves as a much needed distraction to plan for a time in the future. 

I don’t know what normal life will be like on the other side of this isolation and Pandemic, I believe it never will be.  The reality is I lost my Daddy, and life will never be the same again.  

I am learning how to walk all over again, but this time, Daddy isn’t there to hold my hand and help me learn the steps to navigate the road ahead. 

I miss him as much today as I did the day he died. Today is July 5th, the day he was born.  This birthday he isn’t here to blow out a candle on his cake and I can’t pick up the phone and call him to sing Happy Birthday to him like I’ve always done the years I wasn’t there to celebrate the day God chose him to be my most amazing and wonderful daddy.  Instead I will light a scented candle, pray every time I blink, shed tears and I will take some extra time today to look at the many photos, and remember.  Today, I will try to not let the painful ache of his absence paralyze me. 

Pam Tucker 

The Artist formerly known as Pam Lister

Loved

Mary’s Story….

I had the most amazing childhood. My brother and sister and I would play and run and sing in the sunshine and the rain every day.  I knew I was blessed with  a loving family.  Both my brother and sister were older then me, and as the baby of the family I was always spoiled but even when they scolded me, I knew I was loved.  

I remember my parents telling us stories about Moses and when God used him to lead the people out of the bondage of Egypt. My parents told the stories of when the people received the tablets of stone, cut with the very finger of God on the mountain of Sinaii. 

I tried my best as I was growing up to keep all ten of the commandments but when I slipped and broke one, I always felt so much guilt. My parents and the priests would tell me how sinful I was and that God would punish me if I broke even one of them. Pretty soon in spite of wanting to keep them all, I had broken them all. I felt so condemned, that I just slipped further and further away from the teachings my parents had taught me and started living a life that was the furthest removed from a godly life. 

I don’t really know when or how my life got so off track. I thought that when I grew up I would be a housewife, have some children and work along side my husband as we tended our fields and vineyards. Perhaps my husband would be a seller of merchandise. Perhaps a great landowner with many flocks and servants, but as a young girl I dreamed of my happily ever after with my one true love.  I knew it wa a possibility I could be married to someone who I would not know initially,but I had seen many arranged marriages, and they seemed happy to me. I don’t know when that dream died, all I know is now I am sitting here now, alone, and I have sunk to the lowest of low in the eyes of everyone, men and women alike scorn me, even as the men use me; I am a prostitute.

Does that shock you? It shocks me! Every morning as people are getting up and going to work, I am finishing my work day. But as I lay my head down on my bed, I weep for the pain I suffer silently.  It still rocks me to the very core of my being that I am a prostitute. How did my happily ever after go so very wrong?

I’ve been working for years now, and have saved up quite a nice sum of money. But as I am not welcomed by polite society, I rarely spend it.  I find it difficult to go out and mix amongst the people of the town. 

All the women, the nice woman, won’t even look at me, it’s like i don’t exist. If they do look at me, it is with such disgust that I wish they would just pretend like they didn’t see me and ignore me all together.  I think they are afraid I will steal their husbands, or worse that they are secretly afraid that at some time or another, their husbands have lain with me. Their not knowing if I have slept with their husbands makes some of them down right mean when they do cross paths with me. I don’t blame them, because if I was them, like I had wanted to be a thousand years before, I would probably hate me too. 

I felt so old and so wasted.

Now the men, well that is something entirely different. I wish they wouldn’t look at me. I feel so dirty when they do. Married men come and try to touch me hoping that no one sees their advances. They brush up against me and pretend as if it was an accident, all the while the look in their eyes proves that innocent brush up to be a lie. When they are bold enough to approach me and ask me how much I will charge, I have such shame burning in my chest that I can barely whisper the amount as I take them to my place of business. 

No decent man will come near me now.. I am the bad girl of the village and every one knows about me. Oh that’s Mary, they say… she will sleep with anyone, why in fact I think she has slept with almost everyone. … nothing but darkness lies ahead for me. 

What chance will I ever have of having a happily ever after? Will I ever have a life without condemnation and same? I might as well be a leper…  If I  just stopped eating, and die, would anyone miss me? the bad girl of Bethany? That would be less painful and eventually I would be put out of my own misery. 

One day I heard that there was a man, a teacher that had come to town. I could hear people whispering about Him. They said He was the Messiah;  the prophet Isaiah had spoken about Him, and He would come to free the children of Israel. They said He would come and set up His kingdom here on earth and finally the iron fist of Rome would stop strangling us. I wonder what is so special about Him?

I slipped into the large crowd that had gathered around the teacher and listened as He spoke. 

People came from all over, from far out of the villages and I even saw some of the priests of the temple on the edges of the crowd. As He spoke with each person, He touched them, and I watched in amazement as people were healed, right before my eyes. 

I came forward and without having to say what my sickness was He looked deep into my eyes and saw the sin that was killing me slowing from the inside out. I knew in that instant that He had somehow washed me clean and I could feel again. I waked away with joy in my heart and hummed a little song as I did.

It is one thing to be forgiven of my sins by God, and something completely different to have others forget about those sins and accept me as a new woman. Not one person in town was going to let me forget who I was. No one knew the joy that had surged in my heart when He looked into my soul, and so no one thought any different of me. My joy didn’t last long very long after that encounter, and sooner than later, I was back out on the streets searching for a temporary bandaid to help numb the pain of my horrible existence. 

I went to Jesus again and again, each time He forgave me, I knew it in my heart, but each time something just made me slip back into my old habits. 

One day a man came up to me in the market. He was bold, approaching me in daylight. I didn’t think anything of it, in fact, I thought if he wanted people to think badly of him, then he was doing exactly what he could to make sure people saw him. 

He offered me more money than I had ever been offered. I led him to where I had my bed and while I undressed he turned and opened the door, allowing a stream of men to come into the room. 

I was humiliated as they dragged me out into the street, partially naked and unable to stand as they pushed and shoved me to the temple where the teacher Jesus was, He was the One who had forgiven me before. 

They threw me down at His feet, and hurled their accusations at me. Telling all my secrets, how they had found me in the very act of adultery and prostitution. In the crowd of accusers there stood the very one who had brokered my time with him. Now he was one of the loudest voices. How did he suddenly become the innocent? 

 I couldn’t look up, I was so ashamed. 

My face was flushed, my hair hung over my face. I wanted the ground to open up and swallow me whole. The crowd was loud and I was so afraid. I knew the penalty for my crime would be a death sentence. 

Then I heard Him speak in response to their harsh words.. 

His voice was so gentle and soft, yet in it I could hear authority as He responded to their cry for justice. 

He said, go ahead, and let the first one who is without sin cast the first stone. My death was imminent and I cringed even closer to the ground. Waiting for the first stone to make contact with my body. 

Through the fringe of my hair covering my face I could see him writing something in the sand. I had not idea what it was from my place cowering in the dirt, but as He continued to write, one by one the crowd thinned out.  Soon it was so quiet that it seemed like we were all alone, and so I dared look up. 

I looked around to see what the crowd was doing, why they were so silent but everyone was gone,  there was only Jesus and I  now. 

It was at that moment, when I looked up into the face of Jesus, I saw the most beautiful look of love that I had ever seen. 

He asked me where my accusers where? and I in amazement said “they are all gone.” 

He looked deep into my eyes, into the very inner part of my soul and said, “Neither do I condemn thee…GO and sin no more.” 

He didn’t say, Go and make sure you keep all ten of those commandments or all the fires of hell will consume you. He didn’t remind me that this was the 7th time I had come to him and asked for him to heal me. He just said go and sin no more!, With a look, He said he loved me, with a look He didn’t condemn me and I knew that He had spoken to the depth of my soul.

In that instant, I fell in love with him. Not like a husband and wife love, but better. I never wanted to hurt him, I never wanted to cause him pain, and I could see that me living the life I was living was causing him pain.

I knew I was loved, I knew I was forgiven and I knew that if I stayed in that love relationship with Jesus, that I would never again fall into the sin that had trapped me for so many years. I would live in a daily love relationship with Him, and to me that was so much better than following a set of rules always in fear of slipping up.

I knew beyond the shadow of a doubt, I WAS LOVED! I was loved right then, I was LOVED before, and I was LOVED forever. 

I grew up in the church with the commandments emphatically stated as the “rules we needed to follow”, and if I didn’t, and broke a commandment I was a bad child.

It was until recently how I saw the TEN COMMANDMENTS as more of a commitment  that I make to God because of Love, then it is about following the rules in fear of punishment. A commitment not based on the LIST but the LOVE

People who live by faith will conform to many rules and perform all sorts of righteous acts. But while legalism is the imposition of external behaviours, living faith springs from the Spirit. 

It may produce results that are nearly identical to the fruit of legalism. 

Our primary goal in life should be a love relationship with God. EVERYTHING ELSE is secondary. Spirituality is secondary,Holiness is secondary, Even Wholeness and Evangelism is secondary. 

You see if we try to be spiritual, try to be holy, try to be whole and try to do evangelism without a love relationship with God it just won’t work. Loving intimacy with God has profoundly transforming effects on every aspect of our life. 

The Ten Commandment document was written in the literary form of the Suzer-anty/Vassal Covenants that were made during that same time period, (the Bronze Age-and depending on the varied cultures it ranged from 3300 BC to 600 BC). It was intended to be a document that listed the things God would perform for His children and not the other way around. The Children of Israel had nothing to offer God. 

Nor do we today, in the present day.

God said, “I will make you someone who would never have any other gods before me, never take my name in vain, never worship an idol and who would love to spend 24 hours every week worshiping Me. I will make…..This is what God intended at Sinai. The Children of Israel however, when they heard God’s offer, chose instead to attempt to turn the covenant into a contract. From love to  a list. A covenant to a contract. A contract exists when two parties promise to perform something of equal or near equal value for each other.

A covenant however, is between a greater being and a lesser being. 

For example, my daughter and I, when she was a child.  I, the greater being, had a covenant relationship with my daughter Christina, the lesser being. She had nothing to offer me other than her love. 

I, however, promised to feed, house, clothe, educate, protect, and teach her moral values. I did this because I loved her and I did it in spite of the fact that  I knew she could give me nothing in return. I alone performed the terms of the covenant.

This is what God intended at Sinai.  The Children of Israel said, “All that the Lord has said, WE will DO.” They attempted to turn the covenant into a contract – something they were absolutely incapable of doing.

If we turn to a performance based religion we are guilty of doing the same thing the children of Israel did thousands of years ago. 

The Ten Commandments are  meant for God to reconcile fallen man to himself. We can’t  reconcile ourselves. Only God can do that. 

That is why it took Jesus, God in the flesh, to come here to earth to die for our sins. We couldn’t do it apart from God. 

It takes the Holy Spirit dwelling inside of us to change our behaviour and attitudes. We need to be connected to God through the inner beating of our heart, which mirrors His love and His commitment to us. 

If all we know about ourselves is the specific sins we commit, our self-understanding remains superficial and will never develop. 

Focusing on sins leads to what Dallas Willard(an American philosopher also known for his writings on Christian spiritual formation.)describes as the gospel of sin management- which in essence is a resolve on our part to avoid sin and strategies to deal with guilt when this inevitability proves unsuccessful.  

The transformation that needs to occur in us, is more radical then sin avoidance. If we shift our focus from our behaviour to our heart, we will see the authenticity in our relationship with God and grow spiritually into His likeness, which is His original plan for us. 

It takes self-lessness, humility, trust, and love for real communication to take place in any relationship.  And of course, for all of this to happen, it takes a lot of time. 

Trust takes time to develop in human relationships… But God has always been trustworthy, His promises are always reliable and sure.

Psalms 33:4 “For the word of the LORD holds true, and we can trust everything He does”.

A covenant is something that God takes much more seriously, as it involves not just the individual.  God takes our commitment seriously too. It is not just a contract we sign or a shallow promise we make. 

It is an invitation for God himself to bind two  separates into one whole. That is binding us to to Him.

The Covenant is the basis of God’s relationship with us. Never a contract. The 10 Commandments (actually the 10 Sayings of God) are in fact, the 10 promises of the covenant. He will perform these things in you as you remain in relationship with Him. 

God has intended our relationship with Him to be like this.  His love relationship with us is–unconditional and selfless, even to the point of death. He said that nothing in heaven or on earth can separate us from His love. Romans 8:31-39 says this about God’s love for us. 

31 What then shall we say to these things? If God is for us, who can be[a] against us? 32 He who did not spare his own Son but gave him up for us all, how will he not also with him graciously give us all things? 33 Who shall bring any charge against God’s elect? It is God who justifies. 34 Who is to condemn? Christ Jesus is the one who died—more than that, who was raised—who is at the right hand of God, who indeed is interceding for us.[b] 35 Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or danger, or sword? 36 As it is written,

“For your sake we are being killed all the day long;

    we are regarded as sheep to be slaughtered.”

37 No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. 38 For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, 39 nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.

He has made a covenant with us, and He has been taking it seriously since the beginning of time– and that will not change right throughout eternity.

Does your faith feel like an exhausting effort to keep up with an impossible beat? If so, you might be living with a legalistic mindset, forgetting the love that is meant to be at the heart of the life of your soul. The very essence of what makes you dance to the music in your heart and not try to focus so much on the steps to make the dance LOOK good.This is why the Gospel is so key to us. It is the biblical teaching of Righteousness By Faith Alone, and not by works. It is a gift from the very hand of God,  to you. 

The Ten Commandments are a fulfillment of the covenantal agreement God has made with you. Every page of the Bible is about His grace, His love, His covenant with us, and His redemption. 

Even my good works, my sanctification, is a gift from Him to me. And when we see it in the light of love, It changes everything.The psalmist entreats us: “Shout for joy to the LORD, all the earth, burst into jubilant song with music” (Psalm 98:4). 

God doesn’t want outward conformity; He wants us to be so full of His glory and goodness that we can’t keep still and in our life we reflect His great love for us all the while inviting others into this love relationship. Let God’s promises guide every decision, and path you take in life, and I promise you, you  will find that a song that you will sing in your heart, and it  will infuse you with light and love for God and for others. .

I  believe God wants you to know that Love is the most important thing.

It’s not about how much you have( gold and silver corrupts and rusts) It isn’t about how much you know, or how much you do. It is about how well you love. Because God’s love is what matters most..

It is possible we may bounce around between following Jesus and following our own path, but it is because we are trying to chase after a love, a true love that is literally out of this world.

David wrote one of the most breathtaking descriptions of this love:

“How precious also are Your thoughts to me, O God! How great is the sum of them! If I should count them, they would be more in number than the sand…” (Psalm 139:17-18).

To tell the truth, I know what it is to be stalked and having someone’s thoughts about me outnumber the very sands in the sea would really make me nervous and I can guarantee I would have a restraining order immediately. But when you learn that this is how God’s love for me is described, it leaves me speechless. Even the endless of scrolling through my Facebook site doesn’t compare to how in-depth God is interested in the aspects of my life. Facebook may be something we are willing to share with people publicly but God sees all the other stuff too. 

To have someone think about us all the time only happens in our dreams. Maybe this is why David attaches a short but oh so critical clause at the end of verse 18:“When I awake, I am still with You.”

I never understood this part of the passage until I heard a pastor say, “when we wake up, that’s usually when we find out that reality doesn’t match up with our dreams. Like stepping on a Lego, we feel it sharply and it tells us not to hope for better things. We learn to tip toe around love.

But David breaks down how out of this world God’s love truly is, and we won’t fully engage in believing it because our inner being tells us it’s too good to be true. He follows up his powerful comparison by telling us that when he wakes up, that same out-of-this-world God with His same out-of-this-world love is still with him. Reality and dreams finally meet. David pinches himself to make sure it’s actually true, and it is. So he tells us that the rest of the world might be a mess, but our human desire for a love better than anything we can dream of finally finds fulfillment in the heart of Jehovah.

One of my favourite childhood authors, Dr. Seuss, once said: “You know you’re in love when you can’t fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams.”

My prayer for you is that as we spend each day embracing the reality of God’s love, may we learn to believe it with mind and heart, and may we never fall asleep again doubting His love for us. When you know that the God of the universe loves you so much that every aspect of your life is important to Him, you can rest in His promises that you are loved! 

I hope you will be reassured that you matter! you are valuable! and most importantly of all, that no matter what path your life has taken or what you may have done in the past,

 YOU ARE WORTHY OF GOD’S LOVE!

A new beginning!

Isn’t it amazing how God allows you to experience new adventures? This is one adventure that I could not have imagined a year ago. I had decided to make this music ministry, devotional writing and speaking the main focus of all my energies. Content to go where HE leads and to be willing to go no matter what it was. I just didn’t plan on this.

I am a gypsy4jesus, and that has been my guiding principle for many years now. And I will continue to be just that, as it reflects the desires of my heart. But now, God has brought into my life a wonderful friend, partner in ministry and husband Mike to join me, and I to join him in his ministry.

So thankful for His blessings in my life and for the way He has guided me all these years. I am blessed to have a spiritual, beautiful, talented, intelligent and creative daughter who also has a passion for ministry. Watching how God is leading in her life, as she continues to allow God to lead her is an exciting adventure. I tell her to “never say never”, as  it may be different from what God knows is best for you.

So here I am, living in Texas, far from my home in Canada, but still reaching people for Jesus. So thankful for those faithful friends who I have met along the way, at the various events and concerts over the years who have supported me in music ministry. Thankful for dear friends, Liz, Daniella, Claudine, Margeaux, Judy who always encourage me to keep ministering, for family who love unconditionally, and my prayer warrior Grandma who lifts me up daily to God.

Here is to a new year, 2018!

I don’t know what He has in store for us, but know that we MUST dig deeper in our time with God, our prayer life and in how we show Jesus to the people we come into contact with. Please be intentional about sharing Jesus. You know what a difference He has made in your life, don’t you want that for your friends, your family, your neighbours and colleagues?

My prayer is that you will claim the promise that “I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength”

Philippians 4:13

With Love

Pam Tucker

The artist formerly known as Pam Lister

Magic Eraser

Magic Eraser

Over the years I have made many mistakes. While I am my own worst critic and know that some things were mistakes, others I hadn’t even taken notice of.
If you have lived on this earth long enough, and survived the various stages of growing up, then you too have made mistakes you wish you could forget.

As a teenager I didn’t “apply myself” as many of my teachers stated on my report cards. A mistake in later years, as I struggled to learn things as an adult I could have learned when my brain was “much younger”.

As a young woman entering the dating scene I made mistakes with who I allowed into my life. Realizing that they did not genuinely care about me, I suffered emotional and physical pain as a result.
As a young wife and mother, I made mistakes as I learned how to take care of my baby daughter. Thankfully these mistakes didn’t cause harm to my precious girl. I made mistakes as a wife, putting self ahead of my spouse, and suffered the demise of a marriage that ended in divorce.
As a single mom, the list of “mistakes” I made was seemingly endless as I tried to be both mother and father to my little girl…

Guaranteed, when you make a mistake there will always be someone who will point it out. Someone will see you trip and fall flat on your face. Just like being in the cafeteria as a student and dropping the tray; all it takes is to do it once, and you are remembered for that fall. No one remembers you walked through that cafeteria a thousand times without tripping.

Mistakes, sins, or whatever you want to call them, we hate the embarrassment of them. We want people to see us without flaws, but the truth is we ALL have them. Some of us are just better at covering them up.

Recently while visiting a church in Northern Ontario, the pastor brought out a white board so that the bible study participants could make note of points made in class; one of those crazy weird modern versions of chalk boards we “oldies” used to use in school.
They use a marker specifically designed to be erasable. No matter what you write on the board you just swooshed it all off, in one clean sweep.

But the pastor, not realizing a permanent marker had been put in the tray, grabbed it to write down some points that would be discussed in class. Not liking the fine point of the marker, he grabbed a thicker one,= and wrote over top to make it more visible. Then he realized he had spelled one of the words on the board wrong. He went to wipe the board and what do you think happened? He realized his mistake had been written permanently on the board. Now EVERYONE would see the mistake. Just one word was wrong on the entire board but that was all anyone would see.

Thankfully, someone in the class said, that’s okay, there is a magic eraser and it will remove the misspelled word in permanent marker. In just a few swipes of the magic eraser sponge, the evidence of his spelling mistake was removed. The white board was even whiter than before.

The bible says in Psalms 139:23 ”Search me, God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts.”

Do you have anxious thoughts when you make mistakes? I know I do.

Psalms 51:7 says “Cleanse me with hyssop, and I will be clean; wash me, and I will be whiter than snow.”

If we confess our sins, our mistakes, to Jesus and receive His forgiveness, He has promised to forgive us and make us like new creatures, even better than before.

That being the case, Scripture tells us that God buries our sins in the depths of the sea. There is one place where we know the ocean is 7 miles deep. That’s 7 miles of salt water covering your sin and God posts a sign that read, “No Fishing Allowed.”

He also tells us that He removes that sin as far from us as the East is from the West. If you travel due North you will eventually come to the North Pole. When you stand at the North Pole, every direction is South. In that way, North meets South. But if you travel due East, you can travel East throughout all eternity and never meet West. And you will never meet your sin again.

I am thankful for the God of Heaven who loves me so much that He came and died for me, sinful human being that I am, with all my flaws, failures and mistakes.

The magic eraser that was used to wipe the board clean is nowhere near as powerful as the blood of Christ.

If other people see your mistakes and point them out to you, remember that the enemy is always seeking to destroy those who love God. And I encourage you to block your ears from those attacks and turn to God for comfort from the pain that it may have caused.

But the best news is that God says, “I will remember their sins no more.” So if God can’t remember it, of what value is it? If you were to confess one of those mistakes again to God right now, He would say to you, “My child, I’d love to help you but I haven’t a clue in the Universe what you are talking about. I do not remember any such sin.”

I submit to you that if God cannot remember it, no one else need know of it.

Now isn’t that better than a magic eraser?

Pam Lister February 9, 2017M

Fly like an eagle

This past summer while walking along a pathway, I came upon a bird, just sitting there. My approach did nothing to frighten it away and so I inched forward hoping to see it at a much closer range.

As I drew closer I noticed one of its wings was slightly off kilter and I concluded that must be why the little bird hadn’t flown away.
Something had damaged her little wing and she couldn’t fly away. She would be vulnerable to predators if she was to stay on the ground.
I drew closer to her and scooped her up without any resistance. She must have sensed I was there to protect her and that she didn’t have to fear me.
Now what do I do? I didn’t exactly have a degree in veterinary skills, and had no place to take her. So I brought her home, and put her in a box with a soft towel and sat with her, talking to her as she let me stroke her feathers.
As I sat there quietly sharing space with this little creature, my thoughts turned to the many women who are out there in the world who have been injured.

Life has injured some more severely than others. Broken bones, emotional and psychological bruises, and a hurting heart, some pain more easily identified than others.
The social stigma of being an abused woman haunts them, and so they remain in their silent prisons of pain.
Good intentioned people try to help to them, saying things like “why weren’t you strong enough to leave?”, or “ I knew there was something wrong with him, but I didn’t want to interfere”.
They have become masters at masking the pain that they are feeling, and so most people don’t know what is going on below the surface.

Standing in front of a mirror, they don’t see their reflection looking back at them, they hear the words their abuser spoke to them, you are ugly, your nose is crooked, your eyes too close together, you are fat, you should be lucky I am with you, because no other man would want you”.

Like ruts in a road that have been travelled over and over, the painful words have cut deeper and deeper. Even when travelling a new path, it is easy to slip into one of those ruts and remain captive to the evil words whispered in your ear
Many abused women who have suffered the emotional and psychological beatings would tell you that they wished they had suffered physical abuse, because at least a broken bone will mend eventually. The emotional trauma can last years beyond the reach of an abusers control.

Long ago, I sang the song His eye is on the sparrow. It is a special song for me, as I that was the first song I sang after coming back to God. I believed that God had His eye on me when I was out wandering in the wilderness. And I still believe that today, even when I have been wounded by people and circumstances.

The hardest part of healing is letting your heart trust again. It takes time, and only God knows the deepest most painful places in your heart, and only HE can heal them, in His time, not by any schedule that society has determined.

In order to replace the evil whisperings of the enemy, and the people the enemy uses to inflict the pain, I have to fill my mind with the word of God.

I especially love the 23rd Psalm for the words of comfort I find in them.
The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want. He makes me lie down in green pastures. He leads me beside still waters. He restores my soul. He leads me in paths of righteousness for his name’s sake. Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me. You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies; you anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows. ….

Laminations 3:24
The Lord is my portion,” says my soul, “therefore I will hope in him.”

2 Corinthians 3:17-
Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom.

As I sat there, the little bird fluffed up her feathers a few times, and I watched in amazement as she hopped to the edge of the box and up onto the side. She turned and I am sure she smiled at me, as she spread her wings and flew high into the tree.

For a time, I had allowed her to rest, to allow her to catch her breath and have peace where there was fear. In that time of rest, she was able to have her strength renewed and once again, fly high above the ground away from the dangers that lurk in the shadows. Just like our Heavenly Father, who bids us to come to Him when we are troubled, and faint of heart.
We can catch our breath when the wounds inflicted upon us, have caused us to just sit there in stunned disbelief.

Isaiah 40:31 is one of my favourite because it says
“but those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.”

Waiting and hoping and trusting in God when you are suffering isn’t the easiest thing to do. But the promise of God is that one day we will not grow weary, we will not faint, our strength will be renewed and best of all we will fly like eagles.

No matter what pain you are experiencing now, you can find rest for your weary soul. Relief from the pain of abuse, loss, and sin. Allow your heavenly father to scoop you up and sit in His presence to allow the healing to begin.

When the time is right, you will fly again.. When the pain has diminished, you will be able to feel your wings gather strength, and then you can fly up….up to where the sky meets the stars.

Forever and an eternity, you will be with the One who loves you so much, that He came and gave His life for you on the cross at Calvary.
Pam Lister
December 22, 2016

When the melody is gone, in You I hear a song

I drove east for 2 hours this morning to reach a home for girls where I was to present their worship for the week. As I drove, I watched the sun come up, behind clouds that threatened another round of snow. I hadn’t been sure I was even going to make it, with the previous days storms barely off the radar screen. The leader of the home, had even emailed me the night before seeing if I wanted to re-schedule. I said we would wait to see what the dawn brought. Long before the sun came up I was on my way. At one point, halfway to my destination snow squalls threatened to prevent my progress but I pushed on, determined that I would make it through. As I drove, I sang the songs I was to share with the “girls” and found I was feeling very vulnerable emotionally, and wondering just how I would be able to present worship without falling to pieces myself. That is hardly the picture I wanted them to see this morning. Strong in the Lord but falling to pieces inside.
I was to share my testimony with them. The not so pretty part of my growing up and various wrong paths I had taken in a desire to fill the void that was inside of me.
I arrived with time for a pre-tea visit with the ladies. Having no idea as to the age range I would be speaking to, I was surprised to see that all the current residents at this home were between 20-30 years of age.
We adjourned to the chapel after getting to know each other a little, and spent 30 minutes praising God through song. I was so blessed listening to and watching their faces as they sang. I joined them as we sang and felt that for this reason alone, I had been meant to be there.
I shared a song with them, His eye is on the sparrow, the very first song I had sung again in church after having come back to the Lord so many years before. And then I told my story. I had written out points but as I shared, I could see what aspects they were connecting to, and so I allowed the talk to go where I felt God was leading me.
And yes, I did get emotional as I shared with them how loving God is, and how I KNEW He had been watching over me all the while I was out there “in the world” wandering. I saw as some of them shed tears, not because of sadness for me, but because they were hurting too. I deeply cared that they too would cling to the surety of God’s love for them.
When I was away from God, I didn’t sing…. I couldn’t sing…. I guess secretly I didn’t want to sing because it would mean I was allowing God in, and I wasn’t ready for Him to change me.
I am so thankful that God allows me the opportunity to share my story with people. In some of the telling, I share more details that I don’t always share with others. Today I shared all the pain that comes from living life apart from God, and I shared all the healing and hope that comes from surrender to Him.
When the melody of the world, the song of satan loses its power over us, we can hear God. It is in hearing God speak to our heart that we hear the song God wants us to sing. If home is where our heart is, and we allow God access to our heart, no matter where we are, we are home. And it says in scripture that God has prepared a home for us, one that is so much better than the counterfeit that the enemy offers.
In John 14:1-3 Jesus says “do not let your hearts be troubled, you believe in God, believe also in Me. In My Father’s house are many rooms, if that were not so, would I have told you that I am going there to prepare a place for you? and I WILL come back and take you to be with me, so that you also may be where I am.
What a wondrous promise, and I can only imagine, how beautiful it will be in Heaven.
Dear daughters, you, the princess of the God of the universe, the one listening to this. Life has beaten you up, and you are bruised and hurting. I know, I feel your pain. But you don’t have to live in fear, give your heart to Jesus, and let Him fill that place that you are so desperately trying to fill with things that do not bring peace to your mind or your heart. Turn the channel away from the poison satan is trying to make you hear, and listen to the song that God has been whispering into your heart.
“I will come back and take you to be with Me”… God has said “ I have loved you with an everlasting love”.
Listen to that song of love that He sings into your heart.

December 16, 2016